i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize