well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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