Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
