So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
