I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
