one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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