Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
