He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
