ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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