ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
