And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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