Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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