Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
