Who wears a wallet chain?!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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