ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
