so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
