Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
