I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
