I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
