dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
