But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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