I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
