First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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