guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
