You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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