i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
