"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't notice because vodka
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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