If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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