I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize