Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
