I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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