I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
