i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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