So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
