I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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