Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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