saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
