Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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