I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
