Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
