I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
