So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
this boner is exhausting
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
