Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
