Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
PANTIES FOUND
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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