dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
