I'm gonna have a badass scar
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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