i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
