I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize