he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
