This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
