I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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