just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
