Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
