I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
