i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
