the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize