I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
