Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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