And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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