Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
