you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
