it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
