If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
