why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize