last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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