I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the condom got lost in my hair
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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