He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
