i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
