im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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