please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need a beard to bite.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
